Why is my separated husband so angry with me? What did I do? What are the reasons? A lot of women in marital homes ask these questions.
Separation may be a one-sided or mutual agreement of both partners for several reasons, most being best known to them. It is usually not an easy process or decision to make, considering that these two have spent most of their lives living and tolerating each other.
It is quite sad that, in some cases, one partner has lost interest while the other is left to wallow in pain and betrayal.
Due to the technicality of separation, there is neither a definitive end to the marriage, as is the divorce case, nor an ideal maintenance of the marital home. Both parties are still legally married, but during such a period, they are made to separate physically and otherwise for the time being.
No happily married couple decides to separate for just any flimsy reason. It is a decision borne out of a dysfunctional marriage system, especially when a severe crisis occurs. Separation is a very dark stage in a marital journey.
It is like being stuck in some form of marital limbo. There is neither closure nor reconciliation.
13 Clear Reasons Why Is My Separated Husband So Angry With Me
Sometimes you need clarification about the energy you get from your partner, and there seems to be no valid reason. Here are a few possible reasons why your separated husband is angry with you:
1. Feeling Of Betrayal
In the case where you initiated the separation, your husband is most likely to feel betrayed by your decision. It can be very hurting to see your partner moving on while you suffer.
The feeling of betrayal can be very difficult to erase, as it goes a long way to change how a spouse sees the other.
This creates room for anger, resentment and other negative feelings and emotions towards that partner.
This feeling may develop from anger to bitterness or hatred, irrespective of how much love he once had for his wife.
2. No Coping Mechanism
When your husband is unable to find a conscious or unconscious adjustment to the separation, the myriad of his emotions, at that point, are left bottled up without a channel to be expressed.
Not finding a good coping mechanism to move on will keep him in his misery.
The inability to adjust to this new life will cause a trigger of emotion every time you two come in contact, and this is because everything in him blames you for his emotional and psychological instability.
3. Retention of Affection
Mere thoughts or actions cannot control emotional feelings, and even in cases where the husband is responsible for the separation, there is still a big possibility that he still has feelings for his wife.
At this point, he will try all he can to get rid of whatever it is he feels for her, and when there is no progress, he resolves to a cover-up.
This is where anger and bitterness come in, and he uses it to make his wife feel or think he is no longer interested in her.
4. Emotional Unhinge
Separation can trigger emotional instability that would be so hard to work through. These emotions cloud one’s judgment and perception of things, making one do or say things irrationally.
The constant anger and expression of bitterness from your husband can be due to his inability to manage or control how he feels.
5. Guilty Conscience
In case your husband initiated the separation, the guilt that comes with him knowing he caused you so much pain and brokenness will surround him like a morning fog.
The constant feeling of responsibility for your emotional instability will make him act oppositely as a cover-up for how he feels. He acts angry around you to make himself feel better.
6. Victimization
It is not a new fact that men can be very manipulative and controlling, always wanting you to feel the way they want you to feel.
The angry demeanor may just be a manipulative scheme to make you feel worse about the separation process, especially if you initiated it.
Subjecting you to emotional torture and stress from believing you are a reason for his everyday traumas just to make himself feel better.
7. Pressure
The pressure from separation can be so high, which may lead to poor psychological health. Pressure from family, friends and supposed well-wishers might hurt the man, especially if he does not like being in the spotlight.
Continuous sympathy from people will keep reminding him of what he is trying to forget or move on from, and then the anger is bound to come in.
Anger towards you as his wife for putting him in a situation he is not ready for.
8. Love-Hate Switch
When his love for you is strong, separation is bound to break him. The pain, depression and overthinking are inevitable, and this puts him in a position to hate you as a coping mechanism to ease his feelings.
When he believes that he hates you, it may help him to handle the situation better, even though deep down, the feeling of love is still very much intact.
Sometimes, the hate game is a manipulative scheme to get your attention. Women are known to be curious beings and this way, he gets what he wants.
9. No Communication
If your separation came as a surprise to your husband and left him feeling so clueless as to why you would want something like that, he may never be able to forgive you for putting him in a dark position, one where his knowledge is limited.
This is because he deserves to be filled in on why you want to take a break from him. Ignorance or lack of adequate information, coupled with the emotional rollercoaster, will cloud a man’s judgement.
In this case, communication is very important to let him know why you asked for a separation. When aware of these reasons, he may likely rethink his actions and try to improve.
10. Still Grieving
Research has shown that the pain of a divorce is the same as the loss of a loved one or your child. Being separated and at a point where the potentiality of almost getting divorced is in force is a hard process, and your husband may be a victim of this.
The fact that he is finding it hard to move on and still grieving may be the reason for his angry demeanor. Most times, he is not angry with you but with himself for being unable to move on when you have.
11. No Good Therapy
One’s mental health gets easily destabilized, and it is the work of a therapist to help put you back in good shape.
Where there is no good therapy session for your husband to be able to work on his emotions, he gets easily destabilized at the slightest thought of or encounter with you.
This causes tension and sometimes awkwardness, leaving you with the option that he is still angry with you.
12. Jealousy
Your husband is still angry with you after separation because he is jealous. In a case where you have moved on and possibly found someone new, he is angry that you can continue your life so easily, as if your marriage had meant nothing to you.
Jealousy comes with anger towards a person; your husband may just be jealous.
Depending on how possessive his persona is, he might get himself deeply hurt by the thought that you had already moved on before the separation, playing him for a fool in the marriage.
True or not, it remains a valid and infuriating line of thought.
13. Financial Burden
Your husband may be angry with you if you were the family’s breadwinner. During your separation, he is expected to take responsibility for his life, which will trigger him, considering it was never a problem for you to do it and now, he has to do it.
He finds it hard to pay his bills and blames you for having to leave him to do it himself.
Also, in the case where you both jointly bore the financial burden of the home before the separation, and post-separation.
He is left to handle the financial responsibilities of the home alone, he might sometimes convert the financial frustration to blood red anger towards you.
Conclusion
Many things could go through your head when your separated husband is acting all bitter and angry towards you. Especially if it happens after you both have agreed to the separation.
Now, there is a need to understand that these actions may be due to any of the above reasons, and it is not one to get worked up about.
The solution is to open up a communication line with your husband, where you can both air your views and vent your feelings freely, without restriction, but in a controlled environment.
This way, one can either work towards reconciliation or a clean-cut divorce without any further damage to the psychological well-being of either partner.
