Do you have a husband who doesn’t listen to what you say? If so, it’s not what you think. Your hubby may be trying to tell you that he loves and respects you by refusing to do what he knows will make you happy. There are many things that wives can do when their husbands don’t listen, including changing the topics of conversation or making them comfortable in other ways.
12 Things to do When Your Husband Doesn’t Listen To You.
The first thing you should try to do is what every wife should do: make him happy. When he feels his needs are not being met, it’s easy for him to tune out what you’re saying and focus on what he wants instead. Try doing things that make him feel loved and appreciated, such as taking care of the house or giving him a back rub. This may be enough to get your husband listening again!
1. Speak calmly and clearly.
How to speak to a husband calmly? The answer may seem obvious, but it’s not what you think. Speak in a calm voice, even if your husband raises his tone or gets frustrated with what you’re saying. This will show him that he doesn’t need to get upset just because you are trying to have a meaningful conversation with him.
You may also find that speaking more slowly than usual helps keep the peace and puts you at ease. You can talk slower by pausing slightly between sentences, so there isn’t any overlap when talking together, which tends to provoke arguments easily! There are many things wives can do when their husbands don’t listen.
If these steps fail, try changing topics instead of arguing about something over and over again until one gets bored, be innovative by exchanging what to talk about the next time, and do not let your husband get bored by talking over and over again about the same topic.
How to Speak Calmly and Clearly.
- Lower your tone to avoid tension and stop what you are doing to give your husband a chance to listen.
- Ensure that what you have said is within earshot, and do not shout as this will irritate him even more.
- Use a firm voice but don’t be too loud!
- Speak clearly by enunciating each word so he can hear your words without effort.
2. Explain why you are frustrated with him.
When you explain why you are frustrated with him when he does not listen, you will give him a reason to care.
Frustration follows a period of sadness that can last for a long time. As a result, couples with the best intentions frequently find themselves unable to express themselves to one another or unwilling to say what they want, leaving them tense, agitated, and continually frustrated.
Start with what you feel when he doesn’t listen to you. Then tell him what that makes you want to do. Finally, end with the consequences of these actions in detail if he continues not listening or doing them instead of what it would make you feel. Using this three-pronged approach will make your husband far more likely to hear.
For example: “I feel disappointed when you don’t come home from work on time because the kids and I wait up for you every night. When that happens, I want a hug and quality family time together before we all go to bed. If it keeps happening, I’ll stop cooking your favorite dinner and start spending more time with the kids at night instead of waiting for you. Then what it would make me feel like is sad because we’d be missing out on that special one-on-one time together.”
Using this approach clarifies what you want to happen so he knows why you are made with him and directs him subtly on actions he should take.
Your ability to improve your communication skills in your marriage by explaining how you feel appropriately could take off that stress, frustration, and anger. But, simultaneously, you get your husband’s total attention with ease.
When your husband doesn’t listen to what you say, you must take the time and effort to understand what he is hearing.
3. Allow your husband to fix the problem.
Sometimes, the silence might be a form of affirmation you should not push further; allowing him to fix the problem could ease the tension.
Solving their difficulties isn’t enough; they must also solve their partner’s problems. While this goal isn’t wrong, the problem is that you can’t heal another person’s feelings until they directly accept it and feel what you say.
List the problems that your partner brings up and how to solve them.
When something is bothering you, you need to communicate what you want from him, then give him some time to reflect on it and fix the problem.
According to a recent online poll conducted in California, 80% of married women frequently vent to their spouses. Yet, only 7% of women said they could do so without their partners intervening to fix their problems. This can be frustrating for women, simply venting about what’s bothering them.
How to allow your husband to fix the problem?
First, let him listen without interrupting when you’re talking to your husband about what’s bothering you.
Once he has had time to understand what upset or frustrated you, allow him to fix what is wrong by asking questions like How do you think we can solve this problem? What can I do differently next time? Can you help
According to a survey done by Allstate, only 21% of women could discuss what’s bothering them with their husbands without the men trying to fix the problem. This may leave many women feeling like they can’t be heard, frustrating for both parties involved.
4. Don’t resort to name-calling, swearing, or threats.
The effect of name-calling in marriage can be devastating to couples, irrespective of who is involved. Therefore, this kind of action is unacceptable and would worsen bad situations.
In science-based marriage counseling, your husband, putting the “problem” on them, disparaging their family, or labeling them mentally ill are all examples of “contempt.”
When it comes to healing couples, the conduct of contempt is the one that is only prevalent in problematic marriages and modifying that behavior is the go-to therapy approach.
Don’t resort to name-calling, swearing, or threats. Instead, try communication and understanding your husband’s point of view on an issue. If this doesn’t work, it may be time for couple counseling.
Men are often as hurt as their wives when spoken to disrespectfully, but they mistake it for a flaw in their wife’s character. As a result, they may not see it as abuse that can be stopped.
5. Don’t blame your husband for what you are feeling.
When a wife puts her feelings on the table and blames them for what she is going through, it cannot be effortless and open a conversation about what’s bothering her. And when things get heated, this becomes even more of a problem. Blaming makes him defensive, and he won’t listen to what you have to say.
Don’t take it personally if your husband doesn’t seem willing to talk when you’re upset. It may be his way of protecting himself from the hurt and anger that’s coming at him through what you’re saying. He needs space, time, and an invitation for things to go well, and not put the blame on him for what you are feeling.
Make sure you are clear about what you’re asking for when your husband doesn’t listen to what you have to say. And be prepared that he may not always give what is asked of him or in the time frame expected. On these occasions, it is best to let things go and move on with something else until another opportunity arises and not blame him.
While owning your emotions, you can express annoyance, even anger, but you cannot do it to take responsibility for what you’re feeling toward him. For example: “I’m angry!” This statement turns your husband into a punching bag, which isn’t fair to either of you. If you want to ask, “Do I seem mad?” that’s fine as long as he doesn’t feel compelled to say it.
6. Practice self-care – take a break if you need it
It’s easy to forget to look after yourself, especially when your husband does not listen to you. However, practicing self-care can have a significant impact on your mental health.
Don’t feel bad about taking time out for yourself. Making your health a priority is not selfish. On the contrary, when you are at your healthiest, you can help others more effectively.
It might be tempting to try and solve the situation yourself, but it’s best not to go up against your husband. While it is likely that he will refuse to listen to you, this can escalate into an aggressive dispute.
7. Be firm but not demanding or bossy.
Being too demanding or bossy is one of the main excuses some husbands give for not listening to their wives when they need to talk. Demanding what you want rather than asking for it can be interpreted as being pushy and bossy, so try not to do this!
With your partner, ask what they think is the best way forward or what they would do in a similar situation instead of telling them what needs doing. If he has an answer ready, then he will feel like what he has to say is valued and essential.
Be prepared for him not to offer an answer or solution, but this doesn’t mean that what you have to say isn’t worth listening to! If necessary, repeat what you said again differently, so it’s clear what the issue is.
Let your husband’s words sink in before responding with any reaction. You may find that after giving him time to think about what you’ve had to say, things go more smoothly because now he understands how serious the situation is. Or, if his initial response was negative, there are chances of gaining agreement once both parties have thoroughly thought over their original point of view on the matter rather than being told straight away about why they are wrong.
It would help if you also remembered what you said at the beginning of this article, which was to be open about how both people are feeling, what they want and what will make them happy.
Honesty is always essential when it comes down to these four things if any chance of working through disagreements together as a couple has any hopes of prospering. Of course, if your husband thinks he’s right, his response might not change even after listening to what you have said, but that doesn’t mean all hope is lost!
The only way forward for both parties is compromised, so neither person feels left out or shafted by their other half. Of course, this can sometimes involve doing something different than what either party would ideally prefer; however, working with one another through these decisions can prove invaluable to your relationship.
8. Make it clear what you expect.
Clear what you expect of him is critical in getting your husband to listen to you.
Don’t be afraid to negotiate what you want. Instead of saying he needs to go for a walk with the dog every night, try telling him that it would be nice if he could take her out at least two nights a week and maybe even one weekend day during the month. So instead of requesting what you “expect” from him, suggest something more reasonable so your husband doesn’t feel overwhelmed or attacked by what you have said.
Please don’t say anything unless they ask! If you are constantly cutting in while he is speaking, this might come off as rude and mean to your spouse, which will only cause them not to listen when you talk next time! Also, sometimes people need time to process what is being said.
If they are not asking you for help, don’t offer it! On the other hand, if your spouse tells you they can handle something on their own, trust what they say and move on to another conversation topic. It might be hard at first, but with enough practice, you will get better at letting them work through issues without giving unwanted input or criticism.
Don’t forget about the power of touch when trying to connect with someone! Even if only holding hands during a walk outside helps form bonds between people, which makes communicating easier because there is an emotional aspect attached. Try initiating some touching now and again, even if he doesn’t seem “touchy.
9. Examine your tone and body language.
Examining your tone and body language, like your facial expressions, tone of voice, and what you do with your hands, can help improve how others perceive what you are saying.
Your tone could make your words come across as either positive or negative.
You want to make sure that your tone is not coming off as harsh and critical because this will only cause the other person to become defensive rather than open up for a conversation.
Your body language plays a significant factor in what others perceive from what you say, so it’s essential to be aware of what gestures can mean when talking about certain things! For example, if someone does something wrong, try pointing downwards with an open palm instead of upwards as if showing them how high they’re “jumping” above their responsibilities/obligations.
This shows more empathy and minor criticism, which might help prevent any arguments from arising out of your feedback being taken too harshly without understanding the meaning behind what you’re saying.
Similarly, if your husband does not listen to what you have to say or what needs to be done in the house, don’t raise your voice and start screaming! This usually only makes them retreat further, which will kill any chances of communication between both parties.
A much more effective approach would be to calmly state what he did wrong and why it upset/annoyed you without making him feel attacked or blamed for anything. Taking a deep breath before speaking is also helpful because it allows us time to think about what we want to convey instead of just barking out whatever comes into our head first (which might sound quite damaging). By taking that little extra care when trying to understand where they are coming from.
10. Have an open conversation about how you feel.
Having an open conversation with your husband about what you want and what he wants is the first step to solving any marital problems.
You can work together as a team to find common ground, benefiting everyone in the long run.
Suppose an open conversation doesn’t solve everything. In that case, you could enter into couples counseling, where communication, honesty, and respect issues between partners may need further attention.
This way, neither party feels their spouse is not hearing them if they wish to take on board what they have said or done for them. After all, it’s essential that you feel understood within your relationship.
If your husband is not listening to you, we’ve given some helpful tips for getting him to listen. It may be as simple as getting a good meal and taking care of yourself, so he can take care of himself.
If you want to get your husband to listen to what you have to say, here are some things that may help. First, start by being calm and respectful of him at all times. Be sure not to nag or make demands without first asking for his input on the matter.
It would help if you also were proactive in getting support from others who can offer insights into how best to deal with the situation and make good food for him when he comes home after a long day at work.
A lot of tension will melt if he feels heard and valued by his wife through these efforts–so give it a try! These few steps could go a long way towards alleviating frustrations over feeling unheard in your marriage. Feel free to ask.