Going through a divorce is enough headache as it is, but dealing with a vindictive spouse during divorce, the process automatically becomes more cumbersome.
Vindictiveness can include all kinds of things, like removing your name from bank accounts, alienating the kids, making unfounded accusations, and even making unnecessary request of the court just to make your life a little harder.
It can be hard to know the best way to deal with your vindictive ex, but in the end it’s pretty simple.
Is it okay to Divorce an Abusive Spouse
Ending an abusive marriage will mean leaving your spouse and formally divorcing them.
This is a daunting but important step, as studies have shown that abusive partners do not often change their ways, so your circumstances are unlikely to change if you remain in your marriage.
Ways to Deal with Vindictive spouse during divorce – 11 Steps
There are a lot of ways to deal with a vindictive spouse during divorce, but for the purpose of this article, we are going to examine 11 approaches. These approaches include:
1.Limit Direct Interaction
Do you have to meet your spouse in person ?
Meeting face-to-face won’t always be a good idea and it’s inevitable that you will have to communicate with your spouse about issues regarding the children, household bills and other financial matters.
It is advisable to adopt other methods of communication, including email and text early in the process so that it becomes the default method of interacting with your spouse and reduces the opportunity for conflict.
2.Record Interactions
With direct interaction limited, most communication will likely be digital. Please save those messages and emails in case they prove helpful in court.
3. Remain Calm
If your vindictive spouse is saying hurtful things to you and acting out of spite, it can be tempting to lash out at them. However, it’s important to stay calm and not allow your emotions to get the best of you.
4. Seek Reliable Legal Representation
The first thing you should do when dealing with a vindictive spouse during a divorce is to secure legal representation as soon as possible.
Having an attorney on your side can help you feel supported throughout the divorce process and give you somewhere to turn when disputes and other problems arise.
It is not unheard of for a vindictive person to harass their ex or damage property out of anger. Depending on your circumstances, a knowledgeable lawyer can help you stop this behavior and hold your ex accountable for their actions.
5. Keep Your Children Out of It
Divorce can be traumatic, no matter how old or mature your children are. Your children may also need additional help to deal with the collateral damage a vindictive parent can inflict.
No matter how angry your spouse’s actions make you, don’t put your children in the middle. If you tell your kids how terrible your spouse has been acting, it can make them sad and anxious.
That is the last thing you want in this already stressful ordeal. Having a neutral third party help them through the process can be incredibly beneficial.
While your children will unavoidably be affected by your divorce, you can work to protect them throughout the process. Avoid conflict in front of them as much as possible. You may also seek a therapist or family counselor for your children.
6. Set Boundaries
Make sure to set boundaries on what you are and are not willing to do and deal with as you continue through the divorce process. Try not to compromise your own boundaries and don’t be afraid to speak to a therapist or legal practitioner to help you out.
7. Don’t Ignore Threats
We frequently don’t know what to do with these strong and painful emotions when a marriage is falling apart because it’s difficult to avoid taking it personally.
However, whatever you do, don’t threaten your spouse or your kids, and stay away from any abusive or harassing behavior. These behaviors may result in criminal charges in the context of a divorce case and have an impact on your parenting plan.
It is also advisable to notice and not ignore threats when it is addressed to you. Most of these threats may be harmful if not addressed by legal authorities.
8. Focus on your Behavior
Some people are, in a literal sense, experts at getting divorced. Divorce, however, rarely makes people their best selves for the majority of people because it is emotionally and financially taxing.
When navigating the feelings and practical difficulties that frequently accompany a marriage ending, even the most level-headed, restrained people behave in ways that are out of character.
The actions might appear illogical to an outsider, but it is normal to feel betrayed, angry, or depressed. After all, separating spouses must decide how to divide the most significant aspects of their lives, including their money, possessions, businesses, and time spent with their children.
In addition, sometimes, divorce results from circumstances entirely beyond one spouse’s control.
Controlling yourself is the best; focus on your behavior; it makes you stay free of trouble throughout the divorce process because ignoring your behavior will make your partner come around and disrupt the divorce process.
9. Don’t get emotional
A breakup or divorce is one of the most painful experiences. Whether you want it or not, and regardless of the reason for the breakup, a breakup can completely upend your world and cause a range of painful and unsettling emotions.
A divorce or breakup can be excruciating even when a relationship is no longer healthy because it symbolizes the loss of your partnership and the dreams and commitments you both shared.
The beginnings of romantic relationships are filled with anticipation and optimism for the future. We feel intense stress, grief, and disappointment when a relationship ends.
You enter unknown territory after a breakup or divorce. Your daily schedule and obligations, your home, your connections with family and friends, and even your identity are all disrupted. Uncertainty about the future is another side effect of a breakup.
How will life be without your partner? Will you locate another person? Are you going to be left alone? These uncertainties can frequently seem worse than being in an unhappy relationship.
Recovering from a breakup or divorce can be challenging and take some time because of the pain, disruption, and uncertainty involved.
However, it’s crucial to keep telling yourself that you can and will get through this trying experience and even move on with a renewed sense of hope and optimism.
Emotions are the weakest link to get to people, so controlling your emotions will have a lot of impacts when dealing with a vindictive partner during the divorce.
10. Take Care of Your Mental Health
The divorce process can be long, and you have even more on your plate when dealing with a vindictive partner.
This heavy burden can take a toll on your psyche. Don’t forget that your mental health matters while your primary concern is caring for your family; you, too, deserve support and care.
This is the essential part! Your mental health can turn for the worse when dealing with a divorce, a vindictive ex, and everyday life. Do not be ashamed to seek a therapist or counselor if it could help you.
11. Consider Your Financial Future
It is time to start planning for your financial future if your spouse earns most of the household income and isn’t being fair during the divorce.
It is advisable to find a job if you don’t already have one.
Get a small credit card if you still need to get in your name to start building credit.
If you need credit, purchasing a home or obtaining a loan will be easy.
Final Thoughts?
Dealing with a vindictive ex is incredibly time-consuming and emotional! Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Your attorney and the rest of your divorce team will be your saving grace.
