Still married but living with someone else? Is this supposed to be a thing? Is this supposed to be triggering?
Romantic relationships are rarely straightforward. Humans are complex alongside love and emotions.
Because of this, we tend to violate basic rules protecting marriage’s sanctity. If your partner is still married to you but living with someone else, it may be right or wrong, depending on the circumstances surrounding that decision.
There are many grey areas in this situation, and things are only sometimes what they seem. The only thing that is outrightly wrong is if they marry another person while still married to you.
Depending on your disposition toward the whole thing, this arrangement may upset you, or you may just be indifferent about it.
Being upset means that a part of you still cares about your partner. On the other hand, indifference is dangerous.
It could mean that you are heading toward the end. Whether you are the accuser or the accused, there are some things you should have in mind about this arrangement.
In this article, we will be talking about things you need to consider if you live outside your marital home with someone else.
Still Married But Living With Someone Else – 9 Things To Consider
In this article, we will be talking about things you need to consider if you live outside your marital home with someone else. And for this, we will be focusing on nine (9) major things to consider. They Include:
1.Separation
Separation is not the end of a marriage. It is usually legal and allows the couple to iron out the finer details of their relationship moving forward.
Although things may be rocky and bleak, your marriage is over once those divorce papers are signed.
Typically, a separated couple will not live in the same house. Separation is one of those cases where a couple can be married but live apart.
If this is the case with your marriage, understand that living apart is what separated couples do. It is the new normal.
If not, you must communicate with your spouse to determine if they are forcing separation on you.
2. Adultery
This is the most common conclusion people jump to when a couple is not living together, and they are right in many cases.
If you are living with someone who is not your spouse, you are guilty of infidelity and adultery if physical intimacy occurs.
You are openly begging for a divorce. Only a few relationships ever get restored after one partner has been unfaithful.
If your spouse is guilty of adultery, you may choose to pursue a divorce. If so, find out what the laws in your state say concerning adultery and get an attorney.
If you are the guilty party, you can beg for forgiveness, and if that does not work, gear up for the consequences.
3. Identity Of The Person They Are Living With
Just because your spouse has moved out does not mean they have run into the arms of another lover.
Maybe they are crashing at a friend’s place, or they have rented another apartment to get away from you and the marriage. So, before taking any action, find out their new living arrangements.
Sometimes, they could be living with someone that can be viewed as a potential partner but is not intimate with them.
For instance, a wife could be living with her male best friend. This does not automatically mean that they are up to something.
4. Their Reason
People rarely act for no reason. You should be able to communicate with your spouse to find out the reasons behind their actions, except if you are comfortable with it.
Once you know their reason, you can attempt to make amends and get your marriage back.
A spouse can move out to protest against the other person and not because they want to leave the marriage.
For instance, if your wife has been talking about something that bothers her and you have not handled the problem, she may move out to get your attention.
If your spouse moves out because of something you are doing or not doing, fix it and restore your marriage.
5. Be Aware Of The Consequences
Before packing your bags, think carefully about what you want to do. Is it the best you can do?
Even if you decide to live apart due to circumstances beyond your control, like working in different cities, you should know that distance can damage your relationship.
If you want someone else, it is best to inform your spouse like an adult instead of just disappearing.
Nobody will let you waltz into and out of their lives as you desire without repercussions.
6. Living Apart Together
Many couples now live in separate houses even when nothing is wrong with their marriage. Some may even decide that being in each other’s space is not for them.
Sometimes, independence can be hard to give up, so the couple stays in different places.
If this is what your spouse wants, you must discuss and find a middle ground that works for both parties.
You could discover that it is just what your marriage needs to thrive, especially if your partner’s little habits seem to drive you insane.
A couple practising LAT needs to check in with each other often. Absence makes the heart grow fonder; too much of it makes the heart grow apart.
7. The Children
If you have kids involved and decide to live away from your spouse, you should sort out the children’s living arrangements.
This is easier if the kids are in a boarding school or college. Younger children will not be inclined to move between cities.
Asides from living arrangements, the children will be interested in why mum and dad do not live together.
You may have to do some explanation and assure them that it doesn’t mean you are deciding to end the marriage.
8. Duties Still Apply
Simply moving out does not relieve you from the responsibilities of marriage. You still have a duty towards your spouse that only a divorce can absolve.
For instance, you must still be faithful to your spouse. You have to help the other person if the need arises, plus you could be held responsible for some of their debts.
If you moved out intending to end the marriage, then do it properly.
9. Unofficial Separation
In some instances, a couple can decide to separate without court intervention. They can reach an informal agreement on how their relationship will proceed.
In this case, the couple lives apart and acts like they are separated, with the legal aspect missing.
If this is the case for you and your spouse, consider making it legal no matter how well you think of the other person. This is because people can change, and there’s nothing to keep them from dishonouring the previous agreement.
Years later, one party can feel cheated and want to re-negotiate, dragging you back into something you thought you’d left behind for good.
Conclusion
Living separately while married is just in between bad and good. It is too complex to be assigned a moral label. Before you take this step, discuss it with your spouse and reach a favorable agreement.
This decision could signal the end of your marriage or the beginning of a more fulfilling relationship, depending on how it is done.
Divorce and separation situations are rarely plain and easy to understand, especially regarding legal issues.
This is why divorcing couples rely on counsel from seasoned family law attorneys skilled at navigating challenging circumstances to reach a workable conclusion.
