What can I do when my wife and I are separated and she is dating? This is a question a lot of people ask.
Separation is a mutual agreement by a man and his wife to stop living together. Usually, the court handles this arrangement, where the relationship details moving forward are agreed upon.
In many cases, separation is a prelude to a divorce. It is uncommon for couples to reconcile after being separated.
My wife And I Are Separated And She Is Dating -12 Sure Tips
Once you discover that your wife is keeping a boyfriend during the separation, it is tempting to think that she was unfaithful to you during the marriage.
If she starts seeing someone shortly after the separation, you may be tempted to accuse her of infidelity. This may or may not be accurate, and you should be wary of taking action until you get your facts straight.
Although it is not advisable to date during a separation, your wife may have met someone she fancies in that period and decides to date him without giving much thought to her soon-to-be previous marriage.
If you find yourself in this position, below are some things you can do;
1. You Can Ignore
If you discover that your wife has a new man in her life, you can choose to act like you do not know and do not care.
If you are bent on an amicable and drama-free settlement, this should be the case. If you are genuinely over her and desire an end to your marriage, feigning indifference will not be challenging.
Instead of obsessing over when the relationship started and how you could exploit that to your advantage or what she is doing with him, you can choose your peace of mind by pretending not to know.
2. Try And Communicate
No rule prohibits you from talking to your wife while processing your divorce. If it bothers you, you can have a mature conversation about it like an adult.
Tell her how you feel and why you feel that way. However, do it orderly without letting your emotions get the best. It could also be an avenue to find out if she was unfaithful to you before the divorce, just in case you want closure.
3. Talk To Friends
It would be best if you considered telling other people how you feel. You can open up to a trusted friend or someone who is experienced and can listen to you without making judgments.
Alternatively, you can talk to a therapist about it. A therapist will be more inclined to examine you more closely to ascertain the root cause of these emotions and guide you on how best to handle them.
4. You Can Start Dating
You may feel jealous of your wife because she seems to have moved on faster than you. It is unhealthy to allow yourself to enter a silent competition with her.
But if you cannot help yourself, start seeing someone too. It could be what you need to get over her and trick your brain into believing you have finally made peace with your situation and moved on.
This should be done with caution, though. You do not want to break a heart or get entangled with a crazy woman simply to prove a point.
5. You Can Opt To Distract Yourself
If you have a lot of free time, find a way to fill it. The less time you spend alone with only your thoughts, the better for you.
An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. You can choose to move on or at least try to.
Spend more time with your friends, learn a new skill or language, join a social club, etc. the list of things you can distract yourself with is endless.
Also, if you spend that extra time on productive things, you could be n a better place in a couple of years, and that can help you not to feel resentful if you find her doing better a few years in the future.
6. Reach An Agreement
This does not include you trying to enforce rules on her or her dating choices. Both of you can agree to date discreetly till the divorce is finalized.
If you are worried about your kids, you can convince her not to introduce her boyfriend to them till the divorce is complete and she has known him long enough to ascertain if he is a decent person and is void of ulterior motives.
7. Avoid Snitching
It is unchivalrous to discuss your wife’s business with outsiders, even if they are your friends. This also involves fighting the urge to call her out on social media.
This is very important if you do not want to use it against her during the divorce. Your lawyer against her can use a harmless discussion with a friend.
For instance, such detail can slip from your friend’s mouth during cross-examination and could be used against her.
So, if you do not plan to use your knowledge of her new relationship against her, keep it to yourself.
8. Watch Her Spending
Alternatively, you could get back at her. In that case, speak with your attorney. Your attorney will find out when the relationship started and its nature.
The attorney will also determine if she spent marital assets on her boyfriend. This information can help you during the settlement if you want to walk away with a more significant portion of your marital assets.
9. Look Out For Your Kids
Divorce does not absolve you of your responsibility towards your children. If you think that her boyfriend has a questionable character or that she spends too much time with him to the detriment of the kids, you can raise that point while negotiating for child custody.
You do not want your children to be neglected because of her new relationship or, worse, get abused by her new man.
10. Deal With Your Emotions
It is okay to feel hurt or sad because your wife did not wait to be entirely rid of you before seeing someone else.
Emotions like this can become destructive if they remain unaddressed. Examine yourself to discover why you feel that way and what you can do about it.
You do not want your anger to cause you to confront her boyfriend or do ridiculous things.
11. Accept Your New Reality
You are probably looking for what to do about your wife’s new man because you have not accepted that life as you once knew it was almost over.
It would be best if you accepted that your marriage is over. Somehow, someone you once loved is leaving, and you share some portion of the blame for how your marriage turned out.
12. Be optimistic
Your marriage is over. Your life looks like a mess. It looks like you will never find love again, and in the midst of it, your wife has managed to move on. You wonder if life can get any worse.
The best thing to do is to allow yourself to go through that emotional rollercoaster before brushing yourself and getting up again. Realize that your condition is temporary and look forward to a better future.
You can see everything as temporary while avoiding destructive behaviors and hoping for brighter days.
This path does not mean you are allowing her to get away with hurting you; you are choosing to focus on yourself despite everything.
Conclusion
It can be tough to deal with the thoughts of another man with your wife while you are separated. Your problem is likely aggravated if you were planning to reconcile instead of ending the marriage. It can make you doubt yourself and question your time with her.
However, you have to be stoic in the face of this challenge to remain decisive. Whatever you decide to do about it should be discussed with your attorney first. In the end, recognizing that your wife is doing what she wants may be all the closure you need to find your way.
