Moving in with new partner after divorce could be a problem for married couples who have just divorced.
One is expected to move on after proper healing and closure from a divorce. Moving on can be done in different ways, including but not limited to deciding to stay single and cater to your children or giving unidirectional attention to work or business.
Still, it often involves finding someone else — A new relationship. Getting a divorce after years of cohabitation with a person can be very hard, but what gets harder is moving on to another relationship and ensuring that the intricacies of your previous marriage do not influence the new relationship.
It gets even harder when you find yourself in similar issues you supposedly faced in the past and trying to find a new way to go about it.
Many people try so hard to make their new relationship work but end up getting influenced by different factors, a majority of which are offshoots of a previous marriage.
Moving In With New Partner After Divorce -15 Great Tip
Here are a few things you should know before you move in with someone new:
1. They Are Not Your Ex
Deciding to move in with someone else means being ready to meet and accept new things, behaviors and a change in routine. Your new lover is not your ex!
The underlying image of your ex in your head should be removed beforehand. This will help to curb the number of times you subconsciously see your ex in your new partner.
The healing process should be so thorough that you do not inadvertently mention or reference your ex during arguments and moments of intimacy.
2. Do Not Compare
The subconscious comparison that will likely slide in when your new partner does something similar to your ex should be worked on.
Constant comparison of these two will not yield a productive relationship, as you will expect to see your ex in another body, which you can not have.
You might even be tempted to forcefully mold your new lover into your ex, by going on the same type of dates in the same locations, observing the same holiday traditions, creating the same type of memories, arranging the furniture the way your ex would, etc.
Do not try to force your new partner into the mold of your ex. Do not set your ex as the standard for good things.
This will only succeed in causing you to notice and see only the flaws of your new partner, keeping you alert to judge every decision they take and every decision made.
3. Humans Handle Things Differently
Everyone is bound to have different reactions to things and situations.
Already creating a reaction pattern in your head and expecting your partner to follow suit is not the right thing to do, as they are likely not to follow this pattern and, in turn, cause disappointment on your path.
Continuous disappointment can lead to progressive bitterness towards your new partner.
Accepting that everyone has their own unique ways of reacting to problems will help you grow and maintain your relationship without much expectation and disappointment from your partner.
4. Learn To Give Chances
When you decide to start a new page in your life, you should be open to new opinions, new routines, etc.
Giving chances to new things helps to move on from past things faster and easier.
It is a new version of your life where you start afresh and thereby do more productive and fun things you may not have been a part of before.
Giving chances to new feelings and exploring them will help you love your partner better. Give chances for mistakes to be made, too.
5. Reduce Your Expectations
We usually expect too much when we get into a relationship, which is not ideal.
Accepting the reality that people are uniquely (and beautifully) flawed, will make mistakes, and that every relationship has its hurdles will help curb these expectations.
Going into something with ridiculous and insanely high expectations is not always the best choice to make, as reality is likely to be a killjoy and this causes a rapid surge of disappointment and disinterest after.
6. Try To Communicate
The conveyance of feelings and emotions through words is the pillar of every relationship.
Your partner is not a psychic to know what is happening in your head. Some cannot know how you feel through facial expressions and body language, especially when the relationship is still in its formative stages.
Taking time to communicate and lay out how you feel can help you save, keep and maintain your relationship.
7. Avoid Repeating Mistakes
You are flawed and also meant to learn from your flaws. Enough effort should be exercised into not being put in a position where you make one mistake continuously.
Mistakes made and learnt from in past relationships should be totally avoided in a new one.
8. Be The Best You Can Be
Understandably, coming out of a marriage and the entire divorce process can be one to throw your life into shambles, but it takes rock-solid determination to remain productive.
Creating a pattern you need to follow to help you become a better partner is one step to becoming a better partner.
9. Interpret Signs
There are obvious signs and red flags you chose to turn a blind eye to in your past relationship.
When you’re about to move on with your new partner, as much as you should try to be calculated and more productive, some signs do not need to be repeated for you to get it.
Remember, being optimistic may have caused you to lose your old relationship because you kept hoping for a change to set in.
Spotting and interpreting these signs early enough will help you know your stand in the relationship and what to do next.
The act of transparency among couples has saved so many marriages. Setting out time to talk more about personal differences and little issues with your new partner can make your relationship a haven.
Communication is the key to losing all tight edges; when there are no tight edges, you are bound to live freely and happily.
11. Be Realistic
Moving in with a new partner after a divorce can come with too many feelings, making you look out for things that may not be there.
It is fine to be happy after going through tough times during the divorce but staying realistic will help you view things from a better perspective.
This way, disappointment is curbed, and you get to understand decisions made by your new partner and their reasons for them.
12. Mary Edward’s Theory For Selflessness
Deciding on the move-in with a new partner is agreeing to be selfless with every decision you make.
It is more of deciding to make your partner happy because seeing them happy makes you happier. Selflessness is important in every relationship, and it should work both ways.
13. Have A Good Therapist
There is a need for a therapist throughout your divorce, your healing process and finally, when you decide to move on—having someone to confide in about your expectations and feelings will ease the stress of overthinking.
A good therapist will help you make the right decisions even at the hardest point of your life, and they make it easier for you to figure out what you want and how to get it.
14. Pay Close Attention
Even before moving in with a new partner, paying close attention to little details is very necessary.
This way, you get to figure out who a person really is by their actions. Paying close attention will help you see the people for who they are beneath who they portray to be.
However, in your drive to pay closer attention, restrain yourself from a fault-finding mission. Watch out for red flags with a logical and neutral mind. Do not let harmless human reality become warped and interpreted as red flags.
15. Always Listen To Your Instincts
Research shows that your instincts are always right 90% of the time. It is very important to listen to your instincts about a person or a decision you are about to make, such as moving in with a new partner.
The way you feel, though, can be influenced by different factors and should always be your trusted guard.
Having a series of considerations before moving in with a new partner after divorce. For this reason, it is pertinent that the above points are upheld with importance and, as much as possible, put into practice.
Not only will you be able to decide if that is what you want, you will also be able to know your level of commitment and that of your new partner. This way, a lot of past mistakes will be avoided.