What are the marriage counseling questions to strengthen your relationship?
An effective marriage counseling session is one where there is an open line of communication between the couple and the 3rd party (marriage counselor), as well as between the couple themselves.
The atmosphere of counseling, ideally, must be a safe space, one which is devoid of secrets, and there’s uninhibited communication transparency, and realism.
17 Marriage Counseling Questions To Strengthen Your Relationship
This being the case, some questions are necessary for the parties in a relationship to answer truthfully and honestly, both to oneself and to one’s partner, devoid of shyness, inhibitions, or secrecy.
Some of these questions include:
1. Questions Of Finances
One factor which is the root problem of 90% of marital issues is the issue of money. Especially, in low and middle-income families, most problems we,n back-traced, and money would be found to somehow be a causative factor.
Marriage might be all about love and romance at the beginning, especially in young couples but with time, the maintenance cost will matter in the equation.
Questions like “what would you do if your partner loses his or her job for years with no hope in sight?” “what’s your maintenance cost as a person?” “Can your partner ‘afford’ you?” “what’s your take on a total financially dependent and parasitic partner?”
The level of financial accountability must also be discussed. Who pays for what, whether or not your exact income should be known to your partner, shared bank accounts, etc. are important and should not be overlooked.
Questions like this should be asked and raw responses extracted from the couple, in mutual presence.
2. Questions Of Sex
Sometimes, even above the finance, the issue of sex is one of the principal sources of marital issues, due to several reasons.
Questions on sex should be asked and answered with neither fear nor favor. Sex, with its bag and baggage, is almost always inevitable in a marriage.
The sexual orientation of both parties should not be in speculation, to start with.
The maintenance of appeal, duration, modes, postures, fetishes, frequency, whether a third party is allowed or not (that is, the exclusiveness or inclusiveness), etc., should be an open discussion between married couples.
Understanding these, and coming to an agreement or a compromise is one sure way to avoid a problematic future for the marriage.
3. Question Of Submission And Gender Roles
The issue of whether a woman should be subservient to a man needs to be talked about, more so now that the world is separated from either feministic or misogynistic.
Most of the time, women who desire equal partnership and authority in the marriage become frustrated after finding out that their husband is a controlling and dominant type who considers himself superior.
These are the issues that need to be addressed in the place of counseling, before and even after tying the knot. Gender roles should also be talked about and any issues ironed out.
4. Questions Concerning Children
The subject of children is one on which too many marriages hit the rock, either due to direct or indirect implications.
The questions of whether one party wants to have kids or not, the intended number, issues of birth control, method of training, etc. of a necessity, have to be talked about to ensure that both partners are on the same page.
5. Questions Of Cheating
First off, a couple must have their definition of cheating extracted. One might set the bar for actual sexual intercourse outside the marriage, while another might place it at just flirting.
A man and a woman who intend to commit wholly to each other for a lifetime have to be asked their opinions, viewpoint, and speculated reactions to their partner cheating on them.
Given that forever is a long time to be faithful to one’s spouse, especially sexually, and with the prospect of a decline in sex appeal due to age, proffering answers to these questions will go a long way to strengthen the relationship and build trust between partners.
6. Questions Of Penance
In every interaction between two or more parties, there’s always bound to be some sort of friction over time.
With the prospect of a lifelong marriage, there’s a 100% assurance that one party will wrong the other, some way, somehow.
During counseling, offenses can be stratified into those which can be forgiven, depending on the circumstances, and those which must be met with appropriate punishment. This, of course, must be a mutual decision.
7. Questions Of In Law Interference
For the success of a marriage to be ensured, both bride and groom must agree on how much involvement will be permitted by their individual nuclear and extended families.
Especially in a typical African marriage setting, problems from either side of the couple’s family might seep into the marriage, particularly in cases involving barrenness and financial support.
The couple must be ready to answer the question of where they draw the line on the presence and influence of their spouse’s family in their marriage.
8. Questions Surrounding ‘Little Foxes’
Contrary to what is displayed in movies and social media, marital bliss or strife isn’t always dependent on the big and mighty things.
A spouse is a permanent roommate and therefore, problems that are peculiar to the roommate relationship will crop up.
Issues like the color of the paint, which side of the bed to sleep on, whether the light should be kept on or turned off at night, whether or not shoes are worn inside the house, who chooses the TV programs to be watched, presence or absence of pets, etc., as seemingly harmless and inconsequential as they sound, can cause serious issues in a marriage.
The couple must be ready to answer these little questions and be counseled on how to come to a compromise on similar issues, to be able to tackle matters that arise from them if their relationship must be maintained.
9. Questions Of Turn Offs
No matter how much love a person has for his or her spouse, there are certain attitudes and characters which do an incredibly effective job of eroding the feelings of affection toward one’s partner.
All attitudinal turn-offs must be laid bare before each other. Questions on makeup, wearing revealing clothes, smoking, personal and environmental hygiene, alcohol intake, religious commitments, and public lifestyle must be asked and answered in all honesty.
10. Questions Of Religion Orientation
Some intending couples do not worry much about a change in the religious beliefs of their spouses.
A Christian man should be asked his opinion on what would happen if few years into the marriage, his Christian wife converted to Islam. The same type of questions should be put forward to the wife.
It has been observed that in the beginning stages of a relationship, contrasting religious beliefs might be tolerated, and even looked upon with wonder, but in the long run, when hormones are sated and the realities of life sets in, coupled with societal pressure, a once blissful marriage may suffer setbacks and turn sour.
11. Questions About Long Distance
This is a serious issue that must be handled, especially at the onset of a marriage-bound relationship.
The couple must decide whether or not they will be ready to accept a long-distance relationship in their marriage, especially if it’s prolonged.
Many things, such as work posting and business trips, may cause the couple to be separated, either for short and intermittent periods or for a long period at a stretch.
They both must be honest about what they think would happen if their relationship becomes a long-distance one, and work towards cushioning the effects.
12. Questions Of Political And Sport Orientation
Especially in Nigeria, there is currently a high level of religious fanaticism, mostly among the youth. As funny as it may sound, there have been reported cases of marriages being rocked because of differences in political affiliation. The same thing applies to sports.
A couple must be asked questions like this to ensure that something so small and trivial does not, in any way, hamper the flourishing of their marriage.
13. Questions On The Idea Of Fun
It is common knowledge that no two people can ever be the same. Therefore, the idea of fun for one partner may be a vacation, going out, meeting people, paying for expensive, exotic food, and a general party lifestyle.
However, for the other partner, fun may be sitting together at home, watching a movie, reading a book, eating homemade food, playing card games, and general indoor lifestyle.
The couple should be asked their takes on having a partner with a contrasting idea of fun, and how they intend to manage it to build a solid relationship in their marriage.
14. Questions Of Crisis Management
Everyone hopes to avoid a crisis, but it remains an unavoidable part of life. From the worst-case scenarios like a partner going to prison to the little crisis like petty family squabbles should be brought up and both parties asked their opinions on them.
This will enable them to access themselves and find out how much they’re willing to go for their partner.
15. Questions About Health Issues
The question of what would be done when one partner has a serious health issue that impairs his or her normal functionality should be asked.
Most of the time, if the question is brought up at the initial period of the marriage, the couple will unanimously agree that they would go to the ends of the earth for each other.
The marriage counselor should ensure that he cancels the emotional response to this question and extracts a logical and reasonable one. He should put out questions that bring out realness if the situation was at its absolute worst.
Questions like “What would happen if your partner was put in a wheelchair for life?”, “How would you handle your sexual and financial needs if he or she became bedridden or in a coma for the rest of their lives?”, “Would you remain married if your spouse contracted HIV?”, etc.
The responses, especially when answered in each other’s presence will put the extent of their love in perspective and will go a long way in strengthening the resolve for a prosperous marriage, going forward.
17. Questions About Exes
Likely, the relationship which will lead to marriage isn’t the first one. Both partners may have had an ex, or several exes, in the past.
The couple must be asked how they intend to maintain or not maintain the presence of their exes in their lives, paying attention to how it will affect their marriage.
The couple should be honest about whether or not they would want their ex to still be a part of their partner’s life. This will serve as a basis for trust-building in the relationship.
17. Questions On Divorce
Marriages are entered into with the idea of being together forever. However, in practice, this is usually not the case.
The couple should answer in honesty whether or not they see divorce as a way out of a difficult marriage, even going as far as outlining the conditions where divorce may or may not be considered. Both partners must be fine with each other’s response to maintain a blissful marriage.
Conclusion
A successful relationship — especially one which is intended to last long term as in the case of marriage — must have its bedrock being transparency, blunt honesty, and uninhibited display of emotions.
Taking one’s head out of the clouds and being realistic in response to these questions is a key factor in the maintenance of a blissful nuptial union.
