How to fix a relationship after cheating and lying can be very strenuous. Most times the other partner may no longer have the time to waste listening to lies or give you another chance.
Trusting is one thing, and to break that trust and get it back is almost very impossible to some people.
However, in this article, we will be talking about how to fix a relationship after cheating and lying.
How To Fix A Relationship After Cheating And Lying -15 Effective Ways
There are so many ways to fix a relationship after cheating and lying. But for the purpose of this article, we will be concentrating on 15 effective ways. These ways include:
1. Take Responsibility For What You Did
If your partner confronts you about a lie, resist the impulse to get defensive or to justify your actions.
Trying to deny the lie or make excuses will ultimately undermine your partner’s trust in you even more.
No matter what your reasons may have been, take full ownership of your actions—admit the lie and don’t try to place the blame on anyone else.
- For example, you might say, “You’re right. I know I told you I wasn’t going to smoke anymore, but I gave in to temptation and had a couple cigarettes last night when I was out with my friends. I was afraid of what you’d think, so I lied about it when you asked me.”
- Ideally, you should own up to your lie before your partner finds out about it. Waiting for them to uncover the lie and confront you can ultimately make it harder for you to repair the damage.
- Always acknowledge your partner’s feelings.
2. You Ought To Apologize Sincerely
To fix a relationship after cheating and lying you must give a heartfelt and serious apology for your actions.
Whether your partner accepts your apology may depend on whether this is a one-time behavior or whether this is a consistent pattern in your relationship.
If you partner continues to betray your partner, your chances of rebuilding trust decrease significantly.
The four Rs of apology
The first step is a heartfelt apology, Mann said, which is more than a simple “I’m sorry.” She said a meaningful apology means communicating real regret and an understanding of the hurt caused.
ii. Taking Responsibility
Everyone’s feelings need to be acknowledged and listened to after something as traumatic as cheating, so it’s important there’s the opportunity for each partner to talk through what happened and explain how it made them feel.
If you want to make amends, you must take action to avoid another affair, Mann said. This means addressing the underlying issues that led up to the cheating in the first place, like attending therapy or going to rehab.
3. Listen To What Your Partner Has To Say
After you’ve apologized, let your partner say their piece. They may be sad, disappointed, or angry with you. Although it might be painful to hear them express these feelings, it’s important to acknowledge their emotions and let them know you are hearing their concerns.
- Don’t interrupt your partner while they are speaking. Even if what they have to say upsets you, wait for them to finish before you respond.
- Show that you are listening by using verbal and visual cues (such as making eye contact, nodding, and saying things like “Right,” or “I understand.”).
In fixing a relationship after lying, communication is key.
Research has shown that not being able to talk to one another is one of the most commonly cited reasons why relationship fail. The cheating partner will need to be completely transparent for a time, letting the other know where they are and avoiding situations where the other has reason to doubt them.
5. Be Consistent And Reliable In Your Behavior
Apologizing and promising to make a change are good first steps, but they will not be enough.
Demonstrate to your partner through regular and consistent actions that you have made a genuine commitment to being trustworthy. If you say you are going to do something, follow through and do it.
- For example, if you tell your partner you are going to be home by a particular time every night, make sure to be there. If something comes up that prevents you from being home by that time, call them as soon as you can and tell them honestly what happened.\
6. Seek Assistance From A Counselor Or Therapist
This situation can be difficult for anyone, regardless of how strong you are. When a relationship gets into a consistent pattern of hurt and anger especially from cheating and lying, it can be tough to break the pattern. A therapist’s perspective and help can be very beneficial.
7. Join A Support Group For Couples With Relationship Issues
Support groups can be helpful because they give you a chance to meet and gain insights from other couples who are facing similar struggles.
Ask your therapist or doctor to recommend a support group in your area, or do an online search for relationship support groups.
- Support groups can be either peer-led or run by a professional host or mediator (such as a psychologist or licensed clinical social worker).
8. Build Up Your Relationship After Cheating
A noteworthy line from the 80s classic, The Money Pit, “the foundation was good…if that’s okay, then everything else can be fixed.
Even in this film, he was not genuinely referring to the house. The foundation of your relationship is love and mutual respect.
We do things that rattle those tenants, but how we address it will determine the survival of your relationship after cheating.
9. Be Honest
You must be honest, with yourself and with your partner, if you want to fix your relationship after cheating and lying. It is likely that you had to lie to your partner to keep your cheating a secret. Now is the time for transparency.
10. Work On Your Bond
Work on your friendship, build trust, have fun together, solve money issues, or tackle major disagreements. Do whatever it takes to examine and repair all areas of your lives.
11. Spend Time With Your Partner
Along with letting your partner have some alone time, you need to have together time, too. Plan date nights and, when your partner is ready, consider taking a getaway together.
12. Give Your Partner Time
Don’t delude yourself that your partner isn’t going to need time to process this. And don’t put any kind of pressure on them to trust you again before they’re ready.
Depending on the severity of the lie and your partner’s personality, it could take a long time for them to process things and forgive you, and that’s okay.
13. Have An Honest Conversation About Your Relationship’s Future
Be realistic — is forgiveness a possibility? If you see any hope for your future, commit to do the hard work that will be necessary to restore trust.
- When considering your relationship’s future, consider the feelings of all those who will be affected by your decision. If your relationship involves children, for example, the stakes may be higher than they would be for a couple.
Couples married for decades may have relationship networks and shared experiences that bind them more tightly than those who have dated just a few months or even years.
- Recognize that even if your partner sees hope for forgiveness, the actual process of forgiveness could take considerable time.
- Avoid making rash decisions. Give yourself sufficient time to ensure you’re making decisions based upon careful reflection and not simply reacting during the heat of an argument.
14. Don’t Make Promises You Cant Keep
Be very wary of empty promises.
Don’t promise anything you aren’t sure you can deliver on. Any time you fail to keep your promise will serve to reinforce the idea in your partner’s mind that you can’t be trusted.
15. Make New Terms
You have to be comfortable in your relationship in order to work on it. That means you might need to make some ground rules surrounding contact with the person or people your partner cheated with.
It might mean keeping therapy dates, setting up date nights, taking a break from social media, or whatever your relationship (and your heart) needs to survive.
These rules don’t have to be permanent, but they can give you peace of mind while you’re trying to put it all back together.
If you’re serious about staying in the relationship, you will need to be patient and wait for them to come to you.
In the meantime, your behavior should back up your apology. Hopefully, once time has passed, the two of you will be able to rebuild the trusting relationship you once enjoyed.