A lot of people in marital homes are interested to know what are the goals for couples therapy after infidelity. If this is your question, then you are reading from the right article.
After infidelity, what next? Infidelity, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary is marital unfaithfulness or an instance of it. Although many see infidelity as sex between a partner in a marriage and a third party, it could also mean intimacy with a third party without sex. It could also be referred to as cheating.
7 Goals For Couples Therapy After Infidelity
In a world of conditional love and specs, out of a hundred marriages, 40 couples would be infidels. Infidelity could be avoided, but in the case where it is not, therapy is advised for a couple who would love to continue in the marriage despite the fact that one partner has cheated on the other.
What happens when a couple no longer wants to be together when a partner commits infidelity?
In this article we will be expressively adumbrating on the most effective 7 goals for couple therapy after infidelity:
1. To Rebuild Trust
The major aim of therapy after infidelity is building trust between the couple. Trust is Sacrosanct, and when it is lost, it’s lost. Every partner should strive to earn the trust of their partner.
When there is no trust, no partner would believe that his partner is not cheating on them. Also, partners should learn how to trust their partners who have once cheated on them. It might be difficult to achieve, but it is achievable. When both partners are transparent, trust will easily be achieved.
They both have to work towards getting the marriage of their dreams, and lack of trust is detrimental to that goal. For a couple going through therapy, trust is the main goal.
There should be proof that they trust each other, and exercises and tests should be done too.
2. The Power Of Transparency
It is true that being understood in a very exact and precise way is really important for couples going through therapy. It is important for the therapist to ensure that the couples are open to each other, their actions should be transparent, and whatever form of communication is used should be clear and understood by both of them.
It is not enough for them to communicate; communication without understanding is a waste of effort towards building back that relationship. Apart from transparency in communication, transparency in actions is very important.
There should be no form of secret action; otherwise, the fragile foundation which is being built up will collapse. Each partner should be transparent, not keep secrets and open up about their feelings at all times.
It is advised that both parties be genuine in their efforts and intentions and should not attempt to swindle because this will lead to further damage.
3. The Role Of Therapy
Therapy gives couples the opportunity to resolve their problems. Although the therapist has an important role to play, the couple has to be willing to work together toward achieving certain goals.
Infidelity has a number of negative impacts on the lives and relationships of couples which range from lack of trust, holding grudges, fights, and trauma to separation.
Therapy is needed not only to bring the couple back together but to subdue these negative effects. The process may be rigorous and uncomfortable, but the outcome will be worth it.
During couple therapy, there are goals to attain by these couples after infidelity, and seven of them will be considered here.
4. Forgiveness As a Virtue
Letting go of the grudges and pain felt after being cheated on might be difficult. Having one’s trust betrayed is not a light issue. It simply means that the partner had no regard for his partner.
But it is important that a couple coming together after infidelity should forgive the partner who has cheated on the other. It is also important that the partner who cheated forgives himself in order to move on.
The therapist should ensure that their sessions tackle the issue of forgiveness. Every form of bitterness has to be let down, and time should be given for the healing of the pains of betrayal.
There should be no more secrecy and the reassurance that there will be no other case of infidelity. All grievances have to be revealed and settled. Forgiveness is an important goal of therapy.
5. Effective Bonding
The couple who are seeking reunions after infidelity should rekindle their bond. The therapist has the goal of making sure that they come back together. It could be through romance or getting to begin another talking stage.
They should rediscover themselves, share intimacy and let their love soar. The couples should spend time together, go to dinner and even perform house chores such as cooking and tidying up the home together.
Activities that will make the bonding process go faster and stronger should be advised. During the bonding process, trust should be restored, and it is also advisable that they go on a vacation together.
Bonding creates an atmosphere for love. When a couple grows in each other’s skins, it will be a hard decision to pull apart. Bonding is not only physical but emotional.
The therapist has to find out what led to the first time they bonded, recreate it over again, or find new ways to make it happen.
6. Encouraging Accountability
The couple should be accountable to each other, and there should be no third party involved. They should communicate with each other no matter the outcome of what is going to be revealed.
Since the couple is going through a phase of rebonding, it is important that people do not interfere or have a say in their lives.
This phase will have an impact on their entire lives forever, Trauma or peace and strength may be the outcome of this phase, and therefore it is important that the phase goes through successfully. Apart from being accountable to themselves, partners should be held accountable for their actions too.
7. The Important Factor Of Commitment
Although bonding and developing trust for the infidel partner is important, there must be the presence of intentionality and seriousness on the part of the two partners.
The therapist has to help them see the need to be committed for the perfect marriage to be actualized.
In the case where one partner begins to show reluctance and gives up on their course, it is the duty of the therapist and the other partner to reinforce the essence of trying to get the partner back together.
Without commitment, a partner might withdraw from the process. The couples have to be interested in making the process work, and one partner cannot make this work.
It is acknowledged that therapy could cause a strain on the minds of the couple, thus leading to a gradual show of disinterest. Lack of commitment will only slow the pace of progress that is supposed to be attained.
The couple has to love themselves wholeheartedly without conditions. Love can be destroyed same as love can be built and restored. It is important that the couple love and tolerate themselves.
If there is no love, the resolution may not last long. They should more often make use of their love languages and be intentional about discovering themselves.
Falling in love all over again will create room for understanding and forgiving the faults of the infidel partner. Activities that could bring sparks to their relationship are advised. Love is the ultimate goal of therapy.
If there has to be a rekindling of memories from when they first fell in love with each other and behaviors that enabled this, then it should be done.
Without love for each other, a couple who is working out their relationship after infidelity will be merely tolerate each other and this may not last for a long time. Love covers all thing, makes most blemish from either sides to be overlooked or corrected constructively. Love springs up the urge for them to be concerned about each other, care for each other like nothing ever happened. Love is the beauty of the relationship.
In as much as the memories of being cheated on and the act itself cannot be wiped off or undone, infidelity can be forgiven. A couple who has one of the partners as a infidel can still work out their marriage to perfection and live together happily ever after.
This will be made possible by the help of a therapist who will guide them through the phase. Although it is seen as the therapist’s duty as he is being paid for it, the couple also have a huge part to play to make the marriage work. In the case where these goals are not achieved, then it would be said that the therapy was a failed course and waste of time.
This does not imply that infidelity is advised, partners should strive to be faithful to their partners. The ruins of infidelity may not be repairable.